Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Taking a little vacation while on vacation



On the boat to the Gili Islands 

Lombok Island, Bali's closest neighbor


Currently as I write this, I'm sitting at our villa's restaurant at my favorite table on the beach in a tropical heaven called Gili Trawangan.

Seriously, I had breakfast, lunch and dinner at this table 3 days in a row.
View to the right, still sitting at the table

It's reported that this is the smallest island in the world with an Irish pub.
Gili T is a small white-sand island that has a population of under 700 people,
and It's only 4 miles from Lombok and about 65miles from the east coast of Bali.
We took the Australian fast-boat service from Padang Bai, which is a small fishing village less than 45 minutes from our house in Ubud.


The fast-boat service turned out to be really, really fast.

After a very pleasant 1.5 hour boat ride, we arrived at Gili Trawangan. We found an Eco-hotel that cost $35 for the night, and Simone was very excited about the fact that it was right on the beach, and I was excited that they served organic coffee. However, we ended up abandoning our bamboo treehouse only hours later... The appealing offer of a complimentary organic breakfast wasn't enough to keep us there after I discovered mold on the pillows- and Simones bikini and flip-flops were stolen from the clothesline on our front porch. These events actually worked out well for us, because I ended up negotiating
an incredible deal with Ko Ko Mo hotel, the islands finest accommodation and restaurant;)

It was an epic negotiation that involved a little bit of luck, a little bit of skill,
and a well executed act of being on our honeymoon. It's now our third night here, and I can truly say that it will be hard to leave. We eat amazing food, kayak to remote areas of surrounding islands to snorkel in the reefs, and we enjoy a 1500sf villa right at the ocean... All for less than the cost of my average speeding ticket in Los Angeles.

 A true paradise, Gili is also truly a party island. The average age of travelers
to this island is 27, and the cost of a hotel (beach hut) is $15-$30 per night.
Last night was a full moon party on the beach, and it lasted until sunrise.
 To ensure that the tourists have adequte party-fuel, magic mushrooms are sold
in every bar on the 1.5 mile strip. It was fun to watch almost 1000 people
party on the beach, many of them taking their own special 'trip to the moon'.
I provided the naked (and confused) people that were dancing in the ocean
with a light-show, as I illuminated their private little dance party with
my military issued tactical flashlight (which has a two million candle equivalent output)

Every store tried to out-do the next with tempting signs to advertise their mushrooms...

I would have gone with the "Happy fresh" variety, but im sure some people like them Mega radical F'n bloody fresh. They all taste the same when you mix them with a bottle of sprite and 1/2 a papaya. Um, thats what people tell me... 

While I was walking 1/2 way around Gili island during the full moon, Simone
was off on her own adventure. She managed to convince a horse-carriage operator to  disassemble his rolling business and let her take his pony for a midnight beach run, followed by a leisurely 1/2 hour swim in the ocean. Most people would consider swimming in the ocean at night a very scary thing to do. Simone did it on a horse.I have no idea how she coaxed the animal into swimming in a pitch black ocean.... I couldn't even get her horse to take a step towards the sewer-lid that was a part of the road next to Runyon Canyon.    

 I highly recommend Gili for anyone looking for a tropical party island that is both affordable and safe (unless you're a pair of flip flops or a nude ocean-dancer)

Tomorrow we go deep-sea fishing with a local Indonesian fisherman that I hired.
With the flash-rainstorms and unpredictable winds that can develop between the islands here, and with the less than sea-worthy condition which our boat appears to be in, I predict that our outing could resemble a tropical episode of 'The Deadliest Catch'. Assuming that we survive the expedition, our hotel manager has promised to cook the fish that we catch. I'm hoping for Marlin, but apparently they're not in season during the summer months. Simone has requested that I catch a lobster or a Dungenese crab. I told her we have a better chance with the Marlin.





On the last day on Gili, we found a litter of motherless kittens on the beach... this made it extremely difficult to leave

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Change of plans and pictures of a house



I recently posted about attending a cooking class and taking a scuba diving trip with Simone- both things did not happen. One by choice, and the other had to be missed due to doctors orders. (From a real doctor, not my self-diagnosis)

Simone and I showed up to the cooking class two nights ago... It was raining so hard that the steps through the pond from the entrance to our house were under water. We really wanted to cook smoked duck and make coconut ice-cream, so we battled the rain and caught a taxi ride to the location. It stopped raining as soon as we showed up- and thank goodness... Because we ended up leaving 1 minute later, and our transport had already driven out of site. What we showed up to, was a large table with 16 other people seated, each of them with a confused and frustrated expression on their face. It turns out that we were all victims of misleading advertising- Or as Simone explained to the event organizer, "A really not-cool scam."

And that's exactly what it was. The cooking lesson that we had all pre-registered to attend was advertised as: "Learn how to create traditional Balinese dishes as you cook with experienced local chefs who teach you the tips and tricks of preparing authentic gourmet feasts. This is a 3.5 hour class, and in that time you will learn to create your own 4 course dinner with the help of our resident chefs." 
 The advertisement SHOULD have read: "Come sit at a wood table in an abandoned house, where you can awkwardly twist your neck to look past the tall guy seated beside you in hopes of catching a glimpse of the unpleasant woman with the chopping board, as she adds 3 ingredients to the pot that contains your pre-cooked meal."  
If she had explained it like that, the event organizer would have avoided the hassle of having to refund 16 unpleased customers.We walked across the street and were happily surprised to find a French-inspired bistro that served fresh fish and offered organic salads. We had a good laugh when we noticed 'Smoked Duck' on the menu, especially as it was written that it needed to be ordered a day in advance. Was it because they needed to organize a 'Cooking class' to prepare it for them?? I still wonder about that...

As for the action missed due to doctors orders, I have developed a really bad ear-infection. The good news is that this event can be recorded as the first time in history where I have adhered to the entire duration of a Doctor-recommended recovery time. I guess I really have grown up a bit in the last couple years.... I remember cutting off my own cast with a metal-grinder less than 3 weeks after breaking my ankle at a motocross track- just to be able to go into a hottub at a friends party. And that wasn't the first time I removed my own cast... A year or so later, I was told by my Doctor that weightlifting needed to wait 4-6 months after surgery for my torn shoulder and bicep tendon- and that intense workouts were out of the question for at least 8-10 months. However, following my own injury rehabilitation protocol, I was back in the gym at week six and deadlifting over 400lbs by week fourteen. ** I had a little help from my Mexican friends, Dianabol & SuperTest 400 ... But hey, in my follow-up at week eight, the Doc said that I was healing like a "Superhero" and gave me his blessing to continue my chosen method of rehabilitation. +1 point for Doctor Coughlin.

So it turns out that Scuba diving is #1 on the banned-activities list when nursing an inner and outer ear infection, so the trip had to be delayed. The suspected cause was from the day I went surfing in Canggu, the morning after heavy rainstorms. I guess the dirty water from the river had flowed into the ocean that day and found it's way into my head... So gross. After turning down the Doctors attempt to sell me on generic Azithromycin that was manufactured in Thailand and had been removed from its original packaging, we settled on a 5 day course of Amoxicillin with Clavulanic acid- which is made in Germany and was sealed in blister-packs. Then I went out on my own to find Quinolone topical eardrops for insurance. I'm not in pain anymore, but my ear pops every time I swallow. Unfortunately, I'm still waiting for the relieving pop that tells me this is all over.

The same Doctor advised me that wearing earplugs while surfing in Bali is a good idea, but I'm not sure I like the sound of that- no pun intended. I like to perform my extreme activities with all my senses firing. I know that temporarily taking away one sense can greatly heighten another.... but which one corresponds to which?
Ray Charles proved the correlation between sight and sound. But then, I know of a restaurant where you eat in complete darkness- because your lack of vision makes your sense of taste much more intense. What if taking away my hearing does the same? I already see perfect now... and I love sea salt, but I don't need to savor it while trying to catch a wave. A heightened sense of touch seems a bit of a waste while surfing, and now the only remaining sense is smell- which is completely useless while surfing. Balance is part of our vestibular sense, and it's a fact that hearing and balance are directly related. The better you can hear, the better your ability to balance- It's proven science. Earplugs now seem like a bad idea while surfing. I'll reserve them for the bedside table and airplanes. Sorry Doctor Nyoman... -2 for you.





The only pictures we took recently were of our house. Not too exciting, but they're better than a picture of my ear infection.




In this picture, the steps are above the water-line. We are looking for a waterproof camera so that we can capture the rainy day action





This is my favorite part of the house, the outdoor shower/bathroom and random art wall






This is the day bed area- Simone's favorite. I vowed never to return to it, because I hit my head every time I enter.


This is the guesthouse area of our home. It goes mostly unused- especially since the day where the snake challenged Simone, and held its ground in the high grass. The scariest thing about this snake is that it appeared fearless, and it could jump.



This is a green Pit Viper, one of Bali's most common and venomous snake. I've been told that it keeps to itself and rarely attacks. As long as it stays out of our house and doesn't jump, I'm happy.





Thursday, May 5, 2011

17 Mosquito bites, 0 Malaria symptoms


The monkeys probably could have done a better job with the razor than I did

This is my favorite sequence of photos. Simone is looking at something in the distance. The monkey is looking at the sunglasses that Simone hid under her dress
He really wanted those glasses. At least, I hope it was the glasses that he wanted... Maybe this was just a really smart monkey






My hypochondriac moments this week included a panicked race to our fridge, the decision to purchase an epinephrine injection kit, and in a separate event, I set a new personal record for time spent holding my breath.

Several nights ago, while seated peacefully at our pool-side lounge area, I was composing an email to help a new acquaintance with his chronic allergies and inexplicable body aches. Simone was peacefully playing guitar and the only other sound was that of tropical animals and our water fountain that flows into the fish pond. Suddenly, I experienced lightheadedness and a pain behind my left eye... Immediately, I blamed it on the inhalation and over-exposure to smoke from one of the four mosquito coils that were burning nearby our property. I rushed to the fridge to drink 20ml of colloidal silver and take 5g of vitamin C- It seemed to work, the dizziness faded and all was well.



Its not hard to make playing guitar look sexy, but this is ridiculous. And I get front row tickets to this concert every day;)


As for the epinephrine injection kit... I was recently browsing the local newspaper and came across an article that announced the death of a man from Australia, who is a surfer and local entrepreneur. Last week, he suffered anaphylactic shock, and died instantly- while eating a snail at a restaurant in the village we live in. Knowing that Simone has an insatiable appetite for exotic foods and bizarre delicacies, I vowed that this would not happen to us.



The waiter told her that she could eat the entire thing, except for the head. She looked at him in right in the eyes as she bit the fishes head off, and smiled while chewing it. I told him that she was from Liechtenstein, and he said "Well, that explains it"


And the personal record that I set for holding my breath was not performed while surfing or spear-fishing. It happened as I was driving to the beach town of Sanur to check out a surf break and an organic food store. In the same publication that wrote about the man dying from eating a snail, there was an article about the rise of Asian Bird-Flu (H5N1) cases that have been confirmed in Bali. As I was driving down a street where passing a vehicle was more dangerous than poking a cobra with a chop-stick, (they do that here in Bali) I found myself trapped behind a vehicle that was transporting hundreds of chickens. By the time I noticed that I couldn't maneuver around the truck, it was too late to even take in one last pull of air. I simply decided to stop breathing. This lasted well over a minute, and just as I was about to swerve into a rice field to avoid passing-out on that busy street, I noticed that it could be possible to overtake the chicken truck. I downshifted 2 gears and twisted the throttle to wide-open... the driver must have been laughing to himself at the site of a tourist rocketing by on a motorcycle, with a distorted face of squinted eyes and puffed-out cheeks, lips pushed upwards to cover my nostrils. Safe again, but I'm on full-time lookout for coughing farmers and sicker-than-average looking chickens.



The truck I got stuck behind was 1/2 the size, and carried double the amount of chickens.

In other food-related events, Simone and I have registered for cooking classes to learn how to create local balinese dishes. We want to learn more about the Indonesian culture, and we want to find out why the food here tastes so good. Sundays lesson is a smoked duck feast with yellow rice, spiced coconut salad with tomato sprouts and avocado, and coconut-mint ice cream. I'm excited to spend time learning how to create delicious authentic Balinese food... and no doubt, I will modify them to create a healthier version of these dishes that we're currently enjoying. For me, the taste of food is secondary to its nutritious profile, and this reasoning led me to request a tour of the kitchen at the local Warung (Bali restaurant) where we eat breakfast daily.
It was an interesting experience, and the staff were very friendly and helpful. After giving them a brief tutorial on the dangers of re-using oils and the importance of proper food-storage, they now cook all of our food in cold-pressed organic coconut oil, and they use sea-salt instead of the MSG-filled seasoning that Asian cultures love to use. Both of these items have been donated to the kitchen by me, and now they also have my organic espresso beans, our organic eggs, and a mango that we bought from the Bintang Market.

Tomorrow, Simone has organized a Certification course for me, training for Open-Water scuba diving. The instructor is coming to our location for a day of theory and a lesson in the pool. Then, for the next two days, we will travel North to Tulamben for a dive to an off-shore wreck that had been sunken by a Japanese submarine in WWll. Simone was diving there last year, and reports that she is excited to see if her underwater friend, Frank, is still there. (Frank is a 5ft long Barracuda)



Frank


Last week we went windsurfing in a bay that is famous for the sport. Unfortunately for us, the winds that day made our efforts very challenging, as they were strongly blowing directly towards the shore. Technically, this should make for a difficult start, but a simple return to the base camp on the beach. For us, this was not the case. I have never windsurfed before. Simone has, but it's been a while. Being stubborn and perhaps over-confident in our physical abilities, Simone and I  declined the offer from the instructor who wanted to give us a quick lesson. Simone's rational was that its like riding a bicycle... once you've learned, you'll never forget. My rational was that windsurfing looks like a big wakeboard with a sail attached... I know how to sail a small boat, I know how to wakeboard... this should be easy. We had the instructor assemble our gear and waved goodbye to him as we started out into the ocean. The next 30 minutes were undoubtedly the most entertaining and satisfying portion of the day for the employees working at the windsurf rental. Not to mention, the hundreds of vacationers who were laying out on the beach were now giving us their full attention... pointing at us and empathizing for our situation.

Every sport has a learning curve. I have discovered that sports involving natural elements such as wind speed and direction, tide changes, or even lunar phases and temperature, have a much longer learning curve than organized land sports. In windsurfing, just as you think you are getting the hang of whatever it is you are doing, a simple wind change can completely alter the effects of your efforts, and it seems to be back to square-one.
There was one point where I found that standing up on the board was possible, only the problem was that i was traveling backwards, and towards the shore. I scanned the area for Simone, and happily discovered that she was actually sailing... only she was not going outwards towards the ocean. She managed to look comfortable and even somewhat skilled on the windsurfer, but could only travel in one direction- which happened to be parallel to the beach, and only about 10m from it. Simone's biggest concern was to avoid the swimmers that were under the impression that a windsurfer could easily maneuver around them. Trust me when I say that these particular windsurfers, could not. Every swimmer in our path was in danger.

Finally, about an hour later, I had managed to figure out the mechanics of this sport and felt surprisingly comfortable. I noticed large waves breaking in the distance about 2 miles off-shore. Naturally, I wanted to go and jump them- so I headed straight out in the ocean to go play in the waves. My alternate route obviously concerned the rental company, because within minutes, the instructor had geared up on his fastest equipment, and chased me down to stop me from going any further. I was disappointed, but knew that it was a good call for him to make. I was escorted back to the shore, and our time was up. I looked towards the beach where the rental company was, but I could not locate Simone.
 I looked all over the surface of the ocean but did not see her. Then, while scanning the perimeter of the beach, my eyes focused on what appeared to be a windsurf board pulled 1/4 way onto the sand, with its sail sunken in the water. Then, I saw her sitting there. She was calmly laying on the beach, about 1mile from the rental area.

So I made it to home base, shoved my equipment to the shore and ran towards Simone. I was confused as to why one of the rental employees did not go and help her, or pick her up on one of their Jet-skis. Then I realized that we were getting charged by the hour, so It was in their best interest to let us struggle and take our time. Or so they thought...

I attempted to windsurf back to the base with Simones equipment, while she walked back- but her equipment didn't want to cooperate. Unfortunately, Simone had been unlucky and became caught in a completely windless zone. From where we were, the only way to get the equipment back was to head straight back out towards the ocean, and then make a sharp 180 degree turn back towards the shore. I did this as best as I could, and made it about 3/4 of the way back, then proceeded to give up and swim the equipment in.

The adventure now over, we both enjoyed the experience but were happy that the time was up... We will return when there is a more agreeable wind. I had a good talk with the staff as they attempted to charge us for a total of 4 hours, AND a lesson (more like a rescue-fee). I was very upset at the fact that they allowed Simone to remain stranded and did not even attempt to come to her aid... It was clear to me that the motive was to exploit us for extra time spent with the rental. After a short story describing a scenario that would have put the instructor in the same position as us, we agreeably negotiated a fair price and everybody was satisfied.

We recently moved to a house right beside the one we were living in for the past 11nights, as we were too late to book it for the entire month. Our new house Is much larger and more extravagant, and we like it- but miss the charm of the previous, smaller one.... So we booked it for 6 months from Oct, 2011-April, 2012. Can't wait to see you for Christmas, mom!

Ubud is a magical village. It means 'Medicine' in the Bahasa language- and I can honestly say that living here feels better (for the soul;) than any pill that I ever took.


Love to all



Welcome to Spiderville. Click on this picture if you are feeling brave. 

This is Mt. Batur. The black is the dried lava. It last erupted in the 60's, and apparently is currently active and showing signs of new movement... Hopefully it will erupt onto Spiderville. That place was freaky

This little guy lives in our pond. He makes sooooo much noise.

Simone is thinking about where the pool would go, and if her horse should be above or below the house. Decisions decisions...  
This is my horse... it has breaks, a throttle, and a horn. Just the way I like it

Monday, May 2, 2011

Monkey business in Bali




Have you ever been pulled over by corrupt police officers in a foreign country that advertises their death-penalty law on billboards- then, shortly afterwards, are given conjoined coconut twins as a gift from a Shaman?


Have you climbed a tree in attempt to rescue a homeless cat, and 3/4 of the way up, discover that what you are rescuing is actually a monkey- That didn't need or want to be removed from the tree?

Have you ever used a bamboo stick to transport groceries from the market, while  navigating through an unknown city with hundreds of motorbikes and old diesel worktrucks- who are driving on a street with unmarked holes so large that they could easily swallow a minivan.... then travel past a dozen starving wild dogs, and climb almost 100 moss covered stairs to get to your home that sits in a jungle of palm trees, rice paddies, and poisonous snakes?


Or have you ever walked into what you thought was a yoga class, only to find out that you had actually entered into an ancient ritualistic Hindu ceremony, where you had to kneel and pray to elephant Gods and serpent-headed deities for over an hour while chanting in an unknown language, alternately kissing the floor and rocking your body in circular motions?


In the past 3 days, I have experienced all of these things.







They look mean, but its easy to make them smile- If you're a hot blonde or carrying cash   
These rare conjoined coconuts are as smooth as my new haircut


Cats are so much more fun to rescue



The strangest part about this experience, was everything




Simone and I have seen a lot in the past week. We both had run-ins with untamed Primates, and we were together on 2 separate occasions where we had to bribe Indonesian officials in order to maintain our freedom. Due to these events, we have come to the conclusion that Balinese policemen are MUCH more friendly than monkeys. Maybe a little too friendly...











This is the headshot from the hunky new star of Twilight 4: Vampire Monkeys vs Werewolf's.
And you though Bella had a hard time choosing between Edward and Jacob...


                                      

We were on our way to MT Batur to check out Bali's largest lake, and the island's most deadly Volcano. (We ended up finding what Simone excitedly calls 'Spiderville'.... she's already started writing the script, and is talking to a studio about creating the thriller movie) But I'll get back to that- I need to tell you how we successfully bribed the Police for our second time in 3 days.


The Roadblock looked like any other. Four Police vehicles pulled over to the side of the road, strategically spaced apart and ready for a pursuit if necessary. Three officers on one side of the road, and two on the opposite side. Their target: Us. When I say us, I mean 'white people'. **

Pulled over on the right side of the street was an Australian couple, and lucky for them, they had their I.D and travel-visa documents with them. Simone and I did not. What we had, however, was even more satisfying to the policemen than the appropriate legal documents. The things WE had, were: Muscles, sexy pictures, and cash.

The first thing that the policeman did when we got off our motorcycle, is firmly squeeze my pectoral muscle. My initial reaction was to flex... and I did. The officer enjoyed this. My next thought, was that this situation might end up working out pretty well for us. But as quickly as the consentual molestation had occurred, the officer had already discovered a new prey. His attention quickly switched to Simone as she took off her helmet, executing a headshake and hair-flick that would have made a Herbal Essence shampoo commercial look more innocent than a Sesame Street instructional clip. Revealing a beauty much more interesting to a man than my mediocre and recently untrained chest muscles, Simone now had his full attention. This was perfect, because it gave me time to slip into my pocket and isolate a 50,000 Rupiah bill, so that I could insist that it was the only cash we had on us. The last time we got pulled over, we paid the officers 250,000... but were later told by other policemen that we paid far too much. They expressed to us that in the future, a 50,000 Rupiah  'donation' would be adequate.

So now Simone has to deal with the guy, and what a great job she did. The officer immediately separated us... Clearly he wanted to be alone with her- Apparently, I was cramping his style. It was bizarrely enjoyable to watch the officer, as he appeared more charming and suave than a Cuban salsa instructor, while attempting to threaten Simone with a scenario of "We are going to have to confiscate your motorcycle and bring you to court" ... Which is an Indonesian police term for "This is going to cost you more than 50,000 Rupiah." Meanwhile, I was on the other side of the street thinking to myself "What would Jack Bauer do in this situation..." but I quickly snapped out of it as I caught a glimpse of Simone handing her Iphone to the policeman, and watched in amazement as he started giggling like a little school girl. He excitedly calls over to his Superior to join the party and savor the moment with him. Now all I'm thinking about is how great it would have been if the police acted this way toward me in Los Angeles. (Does anyone remember the time I disappeared for 4 days?) This police encounter in Bali was much, much more enjoyable.

The Police officers now look like little boys that just found their mothers Victoria Secret catalog, and I was just waiting for them to get out a pen and ask Simone for her Autograph. This goes on for several minutes, and then the officer who originally pulled us over puts his game face on, and crosses the street and walks towards me. He says to me, and I'm quoting "You have a very pretty girlfriend. I can't take your money, but you need to go and give my Superior something" I was amused, but not surprised... So I walk over to the Superior in charge, and dig deep into my pockets to pull out my 50,000 bill that was reserved for this moment. He willingly accepts my donation, and wishes us well on our journey to Mt Batur.

 What a day...